Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am a total crazy person. But those people who tell you that knowledge is power...THEY LIE! Maybe it's true that ignorance really is bliss.
Do I wish I was a complete ignoramus? No. But do I wish that maybe I knew a little bit less about what is going on with my body & all the pregnancy statistics/risks? You bet your butt I do.
Why you ask? Because of the anxiety factor! I have never had a problem with anxiety before in my life to this magnitude. I can normally handle stressful situations better then most. In those situations I can be cool, calm, collected...IE: IN CONTROL. Yep, & therein lies the problem.
Because I am a TOTAL control freak (Yes, I admit it. I may need some form of AA for control) And this little one currently growing inside of me is something I have NO control over. I am near the middle of my 2nd Trimester & I still worry about my little baby's health...
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Am I the only one who is still this anxious & crazy?
Sometimes I really wonder. Is this normal? Is every first time soon-to-be momma this way? The fact that I haven't felt the LO move yet really scares me. Again, I know this is completely normal, but I just wish that baby would move around just a tinsey, winsey bit to make me feel more secure. Every night before we go to sleep I lay in bed very still & just put my hand on my pelvic area praying that I will feel just a little ANYTHING.
And still nada.
I haven't heard the baby's little heartbeat in almost 3 weeks (my last doctor's appt.) & I really can't help but worry that on Monday the news will be devastating. I should be nothing but excited for Monday to come. Yet, here I am silently quaking while everyone else in my life luxuriates in delight & excitement at the thought.
So I guess this is my FFFC:
What if there is bad news? My biggest fear is the doctor telling us that the baby stopped growing weeks ago & that all of our plans, hopes, dreams & prayers will come crashing down on us. I really don't want to feel like this anymore, but I'm not sure how to stop worrying. =(
Is this a sign of things to come?
I would be 100% the exact same way. I even told my mom one day about how worried I was that we would never be able to get pregnant, and then how worried I was that once we were something would go wrong. Know what she told me?
ReplyDelete"That just means youre a mother. Even if you dont have a baby in your womb or your arms yet, you have the heart of a mother and that worrying will never stop. You just have to learn to trust God with your child, or future child, and know that he knows what he is doing.
And if something goes wrong, whether that be not getting a baby the way you planned, or something going wrong during the pregnancy, or your child having an ailment later in life, or your teenager running away, then you have to simply trust that God will not give you more than you can bear and he will be right there with you to help you through the storms.
If you learn anything from your wait to become a mother, learn to lean on and trust in God and his timing. Youre going to need that ability for the rest of your life when it comes to your children. But what better place to put your very heart than in the arms of God?
We dont Have to understand him, we just have to trust him. And when we do, good things always happen, even if it's in the midst of a bad thing. God has a way of turning life's struggles in to his glory."
Yep, shes a pretty smart woman my mother. I hope that helps you too though sweet friend. I can only imagine how hard it is to consider all the bad possibilities during pregnancy, but I DO know how hard it is to give up control. And it's NOT easy! GL girl! Ill be praying:)