Irritation Overload

I'll admit it.

I am annoyed. I am grumpy. And I am VERY impatient.

This is literally my first day of maternity leave & I am thinking that I would have been better off just being at work again this week. I have no baby....no signs that a baby is coming anytime soon...& WAY WAY too much time to think about it. I am going to drive myself INSANE if Carter stays put for the next 16 days. I have not changed my mind about fully giving him all the time he needs, but when every day feels like an eternity it makes things really hard. Not to mention that none of my efforts seem to bring on any progress at all. He's comfy, my body is comfy keeping him in there & we are not practicing for labor in the slightest. I feel like my body is just like a dormant volcano. A ticking time bomb. When it starts I guess I won't have to guess if this is "it" or not because we aren't preparing for labor at all over here. If you asked me at this point what a contraction feels like...I don't think I would be able to tell you. Do I feel my uterus tighten randomly sometimes? Yes. Does it hurt? No. Is this Braxton Hicks? I have no freaking clue. Do I have very irregular rare menstrual like cramps? Yes. Does it radiate to my back or to my low pelvic area? No. Is this Braxton Hicks? You tell me.

Not only that, but I have basically shut myself away at home. The wrong thing to do? Maybe. However, since I have been extremely short with my poor husband lately for absolutely NO reason...I can only imagine how I will react to questions from friends/family about when he is going to arrive. I feel like it is safer for everyone if I just keep to myself for now. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or piss anyone off, but I think people fail to see how annoying they are being. And if I am faced with one more annoying comment I may just snap! If I knew when he was going to come I would tell you. If he was already here...you would know. Yep, so until you HEAR otherwise...yes, I am still pregnant. I  feel like I have to post a daily update on FB just to state that fact. =(

And one more confession for today? This may be the worst one of all. Flame-away. I am super jealous of all my fellow August mommies who are going into labor early & already have their precious babies in their arms. It's NOT FAIR! I was one of the people on my board due EARLY. My freaking due date is only 3 days away & yet it seems like someone posts daily about already having their baby at 37 weeks, 38 weeks, ect. (As an aside, I should mention that I DO NOT mean the momma's who have had medical problems/emergencies that have necessitated the birth of their baby stat) Am I happy for them? Of course I am. Don't get me wrong ladies...I know a lot of my fellow August mommies read this blog, but I just want it to be MY turn already. I want to share my birth story. I want to show off my little boy. And the fact that I am continually not progressing while I see all these other ladies at 3-4cm dilated & 50-90% effaced just makes it that much more of a stab. I hate feeling like this. I know progression can mean nothing & that I can go from naught to full-on labor in no time, but it's just hard not to feel disappointed even if I don't want to.

I hate to sound like a whiner or a complainer, but where else can I vent besides this blog? And now that I have gotten it off my chest I do feel a little bit better.

What are you doing to distract yourself from waiting...waiting...waiting?