In His Hands

So I'm almost 100% sure that I ovulated yesterday. Good news right? Yes, except for the fact that K was so tired last night that getting any was completely out of the question. I agreed to take a more relaxed approach to TTC this time, so I didn't argue. He passed out shortly after 9PM. I don't want to be a huge control freak about TTC this time around, but I am finding it insanely hard not to freak out about how I ovulated & we missed a chance to get another shot in. Am I insane?!

Yes, I really do want to be pregnant again, but I need to put this in God's hands. If he wants this to be the cycle for me, then it will be. If not, then the timing surely isn't right. I must remember that he knows far better then I when the time will be right for us again. I can't say that I won't be disappointed if I'm not pregnant this cycle, but I have to remember that these things do take time regardless of *perfectly timed* sex.

We started trying to get pregnant with C at the end of June 2010 & didn't end up getting pregnant until the middle of November 2010. The end of every cycle was a major crushing disappointment. I've been off my BC since the beginning of August & charting TTA since September. Up until this cycle, I've been fine. I guess it's because we weren't officially TTC yet & if we got pregnant it would have just been a *very nice surprise* instead of an actual failure to conceive. This will be the first cycle where I feel that old familiar feeling, but I'm hoping it won't come. I don't want to feel devastated.

So, all that being said...I am going to try very hard not to focus on this 2ww. I'm going to let go & put this all into God's hands. I need to relax & let what happens, happen. There is nothing I can do now anyway about yesterday. I am going to pray for calm & peace during this 2ww as well as for understanding that whatever outcome we see at the end of this cycle is the right one.