Obsessing

I'm doing it again.

And I don't really like it. Yes, I tend to get a lot done, but it really is just overcompensation for something. I tend to distract myself during this times by making sure my house is spotless, overly organizing, & generally just avoiding the situation. I'm not 100% sure why I'm feeling this slump this time around, but something is definitely not right with me at the moment.

I don't know if it's the gloom & dreary weather the winter brings with it in the PNW or the fact that the days are getting shorter or even that my weight seems to do nothing, but climb these days, but whatever the case may be--SOMETHING must be done. I don't have a history of depression (seasonal or otherwise) & I think I've only had a TRUE anxiety attack once (during my college days), but I have been known to get into one of these moods on occasion.

It's usually a cross between feeling bad & feeling anxious, but this time is different. This time I seem to be insanely overemotional as well. And if you know me at all you'll know I am not normally a very sappy person. I have probably *almost* cried about 10 times in the last few days. And these are not even things a normal person would cry over! The stupidest of them all? The appearance of Santa Claus during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade yesterday. SANTA CLAUS, people!! Uh....what.the.eff?!? Seriously, and all of the other 9 things were just about as dumb. Now, I know what you're thinking right now "Pregnant! Pregnant! Pregnant!", but I really don't think I am. Even if I was, I am only 4dpo so it would be WAY too early to be having such strong emotional reactions to happenings. Also, we only had one romp in the sack this time around & it was 2 days before O. Now, I know it's not impossible because it truly does only take one time in some cases, but I'm calling it a no on this one.

Regardless of the reason (since I am more or less unawares), I need to take more care with myself emotionally. I can't really control the weather or the darkness brought on by winter or the time change, but I can do something about my weight. And I've had enough. Time to take some control back & get some exercise & healthy eating back into my life. I know, I know...I've said this & I've said this & I've said this AGAIN, but I'm done! This last week is the straw that broke the camel's back. I was much happier & much healthier when I was active all the time & not eating crap. It's time to go back to that. I'm also going to spend more time with the people I love & doing the things I love or that make me smile. I just have to give in sometimes & realize that I CAN'T do it all & let some of it go. My house does not have to be perfect, the dishes & laundry don't have to be done RIGHT THIS MINUTE & everything else can wait as well. On that note, I've decided that starting next week (Monday) I am taking C's nap time & using it as my ME time. It's the only truly time I get to spend alone & I'm not going to spend it doing chores ANYMORE. If that means that I don't get all of the laundry done that day then so be it, if that means I'm still working on dinner when K gets home from work then that's okay. I need to do this for myself & for my sanity.

I really hope this feeling goes away soon...